Bonding

I don’t recall when I felt the bond occur between Shadow and me. With my inexperience around horses, I remember being quite skeptical of this horse after seeing her behavior with Danny. However, after feeding and spending time daily with Shadow, we became fast friends. Her routine began to depend on mine; she learned my behaviors as cautiously as I learned hers. Our relationship was reciprocal in many ways. She depended on me for sustenance and I even believe affection. I loved to hug her neck and kiss her soft nose, and she didn’t seem to mind. She had trust that I would be there each day, as I had trust that she would not kill me when I rode her.

Shadow developed into a beauty. She was sleek, shiny, and built like a rock; no hill proved too tough for her to climb, although those who rode her knew that she preferred going up much better than down. Her chest bulged and her rump was perfectly round. I used to tell her in the barn that she was so beautiful she could be a model on a horse calendar!

Her personality developed as well. She was the horse that would pick her head up upon hearing my voice…the horse waiting with her head out of the barn as I returned home from work in the evening. Shadow always heard my boots clicking down the road, often accompanying the noise with an anticipatory whinny of being fed the much-loved sweet feed. If her mother was not with her, since she was older and took longer to come to the barn after being called for supper, Shadow exemplified the sense of protection from her name. She would refuse to eat until she went to get her mother and bring her to the barn. Shadow would come to my call to let me know she was aware, but would run off to escort her mother in for the meal.

At times, Danny and I would get really frustrated with Shadow and the way she would ride. She was unpredictable and moody, but for the most part, she didn’t mind me riding her. She seemed to prefer me over others, probably because I was so gentle and submissive with her, or maybe I imagined that she preferred me. I don’t think Shadow like to be handled roughly, and I tried to respect that. Everyone said I was too gentle with her. I studied this horse to determine her peculiarities, trying to heed to her unspoken requests, while respecting and trusting her. I learned little quirky things about her, like certain things she was skeptical of and noises or sights that would scare her. She hated to be near the road, and the sound of Velcro on my saddlebags would startle her each time, probably due to her exceptional sense of hearing. She was afraid of tire marks on the road, and she abhorred running or walking on a steep downhill grade. She preferred to follow other horses, and I learned with a nice scar on my forearm that she didn’t like blazing a trail. While not necessarily a good thing, Shadow was always concerned about other horses, having to devote her attention to them when riding or hanging out. She had a nurturing sense about her, to take care of those in her presence.

I began riding Shadow in the summer of 2005, just merely eighteen months before her death. While she made others nervous, I only felt scared on her once or twice. Her rides were thrilling, but she never did anything to hurt me. I think Shadow was a bit scared at times, too, because I recall several instances where I would feel her shake under the saddle. I always tried to comfort her and encourage her to trust me. I reminded her of how I loved her and would never let anything hurt her.

With our busy schedules, we don’t ride as often as I’d like. But just seeing this first horse of mine in the pasture was a comfort and a dream come true. I used to beg Daddy for a horse when I was little. He always told me that horses did not make money; they cost money, and tear up fences. Our horses usually cared nothing about what was on the other side of our fence, but I understood what he meant about costing money. Horses can be expensive just to look at, but she was worth every penny. Every morning, Shadow would be in the barnyard waiting on Danny’s morning feeding, and I often would open my window and say hello. Shadow always returned my hellos with a gracious whinny.