Symbolism

For thirteen months, I've seen this cow just about everyday I was at home. Danny and I rarely go to bed without seeing all of our animals. For half a year, we feed them twice a day. I've hiked many acres on many frigid mornings checking on her when she was ready to calve last winter. I've talked to her so much and was such a proud farmer when she had her first born. I've taken so many pictures and videos. Everybody who knows me knows about my Georgia and the herd...they're my wallpaper on my cell phone! I invite people to come see my cows, and insist how they know their names! She was such a huge part of my life and a constant reminder of home...all I had to do was call "GEORGIA" and all the animals would arrive at the barn. What a sweet reminder of my daddy and mama...who claims he already has another Georgia picked out. I told him there could never be another...but I'm thinking "Georgeanne" might be okay. ??? Besides, we would like to wait and see if the incident was specific to Georgia before bringing another cow into a life-threatening environment. Danny and I have decided to hang a couple pictures of Georgia in our barn where we still can see her everyday...like an Arnold Acres wall of fame.
So, yes, she was a cow, but not just any cow. She was symbolic of my family's farm and my home, the foundation of the farm Danny and I are trying to start, and just 1500 pounds of sweetness. I think I could've ridden her. We are still communicating with the vets, and will have to wait a while for the report from the big lab in Raleigh that handles bacterial and viral cultures. We are scared to death that the incident is not isolated to Georgia, leaving our other four susceptible. Caroline, the battleaxe that she is, is pregnant too, so any treatment we would have to give would cause her to abort. The vet takes a while to get to our house, so we have to catch it early on if it starts to manifest in one of the others. Georgia's organs and fluid levels and everything else inside of her was absolutely perfect. Any typical solution to the cause of death is disputed by her perfect health...no dehydration, full bag of milk, no large amounts of suspicious fluids or leaves. Most reasons of this type of death take a 1 - 2 week onset of symptoms, but the autopsy shows she went down in 12 - 20 hours, probably with no hope of help from me or any vet. I would have noticed any weird signs during 2 weeks. In fact, I just took a video of Georgia and RedRock running to the barn for their grain on Monday night...3 days before she died! UGH...I hate not knowing. I've looked at more cow manure in the past 5 days than some have in a lifetime. This one has really ripped my heart out because she was such a big part of my daily routine. I spend at least 30 minutes with the animals each day. I've wished and daydreamed many times that they and a small farm could be my occupation up here...but I'd get so bored at home by myself. She was supposed to supply us with cows for the next 15 or so years.
But my plan isn't the divine one, so I'm stuck dealing with her being gone and wondering why, but completely thankful for the time I had with her...I'd do it all over again if I knew this was how it would end. It's funny, how many cows I've cried over in my life (not many girls can say that one)...but none ever felt like this. I need to get all my tears out and just move on with her precious memories. Writing helps, but they're still flowing. I'm afraid it'll take having some closure on the cause before my grieving can fade away...it's hard to stop it when I'm in fear of the others going down just as quickly. Maybe I'm too tenderhearted to farm cattle or something. I don't know. I just know when I love something, I love it with my whole heart. I’m just thankful for the opportunity to love her, her offspring, her companions, and any other cows or animals that come our way…always remembering how this special one left my life as quickly as she entered it.